oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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