Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
