i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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