So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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