Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
