I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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