I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
