Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
