y did u give ur computer a hand job?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
