She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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