so explain again why im purple
no
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
