I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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