my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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