The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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