My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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