Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
