So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
