I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
