You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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