im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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