I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
