and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
