Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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