u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
