Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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