Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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