I want to have your abortion
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
