Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
