He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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