I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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