And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
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I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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