some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
