i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
