God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
