shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
