Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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