literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
