He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
