I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
