I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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