She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
we should paint friendship bongs
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