While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
