I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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