Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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