Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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