When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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