Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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