im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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