In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
