after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
