How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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