I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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