Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
