just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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