It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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