so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
