last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
