the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
they need to just BURY HIM!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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