why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
