I molested 6 butterflies tonight
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
