My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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