yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
