i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
