i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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