ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
