i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
