Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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