Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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