The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
