Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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