Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
