When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
