she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
