Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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