I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
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it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
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I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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