found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
