We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
