Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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