She said her name was "party"
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
